As some of you may or may not know, I travel for work. This means that I have the good fortune of being stuck in a cylindrical tube, at altitudes unnatural for any living creature, breathing recycled air, with enough leg room to cross my toes to get comfortable.
I typically try to sit near the front of the plane so that I can exit quickly once we’ve landed. To exit before the plane lands is something I have no desire to try. “I decline.”
Sometimes those seats are not readily available (if you have ever flown on Southwest you know what I am talking about or if you don’t have enough status on one of the other airlines and get pushed back because your money is not as good as the money a frequent flyer spends on said airline), so I sit a little further back. (If my company weren’t so cheap about flying, I might actually accrue points on one airline and get to sit in the “big boy” seats in First Class! I bet there is enough room to cross my ankles.)
When I am catching a 6 AM flight, and haven’t had any coffee, I’m a little brain dead in the morning. One morning while in this state, I made the mistake of sitting in the tiny hard cushioned “seat” that was directly in front of the emergency row. If you never have had the luxury of sitting in one of these torture chairs, count yourself blessed. These chairs do NOT recline! I am flummoxed as to why they don’t even recline a little? I think I read once that the electric chair reclines to make the prisoner more comfortable before getting zapped. (Now you’ve read it too!) I could be making that part up, but it helps me with my disposition. You see, I was flying to California from Rhode Island. For those of you that are not good with geography… it means I was flying “cost-to-coast” which is a long f@$#ing flight!
By the time I landed and got off the plane, I was walking like Frankenstein. All straight backed and stiff legged. I would’ve put bolts on my neck had I any at the time so I wouldn’t have to explain myself to the curious onlookers with the raised eyebrows. I acknowledged their presence with a grunt, “Uhn.”
The next time you fly, please try to remember what you have read here and don’t sit in those seats! And remember, even the electric chair reclines… well at least for this story it does. 😉 Choose to “recline” and “decline” those seats!
Copyright (C) 2015 by Frank Cormier. All Rights Reserved.